What Is Love?

I have completely avoided any spirituality up until now, but it's been a while since I posted, and it seems I'm not going to have anything new to say except as it relates to my relationship with Christ. I love those times when he just completely shuts you up to anything except for himself. Or actually, I hate those times, but I can't deny that they're incredibly good for me. Like fresh spring water, right Zora?

I recently heard a new song entitled (get this) "What Is Love?" That just screams Love through song, right? So ask me why it's taken me this long to mention it. Go ahead, ask me... Well, I'm glad you asked. It's because I am the quintessential prodigal child. Yep, I'd much rather run like hell than return to my Father with my head hung in shame even though he welcomes me with arms wide open. Which brings me to the real point...love.

What is love? Our God has heard our groaning.

And has remembered, in steadfast love, the covenant.

Christians have such a great tendency to skip all the way to Jesus. And yes, Jesus is the main point of the story. But you can look from the very beginning and see the love of God displayed so beautifully. This God, my Lord, looked down from heaven and chose a people, and he was faithful to his people through all their mess. If you read the Old Testament, you'll see. Israel is the blessed nation chosen by God, but they spit in his face over and over again. They served other gods and did not put their trust in their true Savior. Yet every time God's people humbled themselves and turned back to him, every time they started to complain and cry about the harsh bondage they had led their own selves into, God heard them and he remembered the free covenant he had made with them. And just so no one gets confused, you'll see later in this blog that I admit, I am just like Israel, and God is yet faithful to me. And I'm sure there are others who have the same testimony. Absolutely amazing.

What is love? We are considered blameless

Even though, for his death, we are to blame.

What is love? The King has purchased our freedom

From ourselves, the world, and the enemy.

Well, there you go. See, I told you I'd get to the New Testament, the Jesus part. You've all heard it, and I know that no amount of words could truly express the depth of love displayed in Christ's act of sacrificial love. But I honestly don't have much to say to expound upon the main idea. What's more important for me to say right now is expressed in the final verse of this song:

What is love? Our God breaks the cycles

That we find ourselves in constantly.

What is love? Our God pursues his people

Even when they turn back to their Egypts.

What is love? To die to self and selfish gain

And to trust the love that God has for us.

I heard this, and I thought Oh My God. Oh MY God. You ARE this God. Yes, you were faithful to the Israelites. Yes, you died for our sins so that we wouldn't have to pay that price. But wow, God. After all of that, you are still presently working in my life tonight, in this very moment. This moment when I feel my mind running over the same thoughts and my heart running over the same hurts, you are here, and you break that horrible cycle. That moment when I feel like I need to hide from you because I can't even remember how to pray, YOU seek after ME. What manner of love is that?! And all that you ask, the bare minimal amount of love that you desire in return for everything that you have done for me, is that I give up on these selfish things that don't fulfill me anyway. That I learn to be held by you, and trust YOUR love, the only love that will absolutely NEVER fail me. Oh my God.

I am ready for love

"I'd quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity"

I love this line. It amazes me. You would give away your freedom to be help captive by another person. Wow. That takes a lot of trust. You can't just give away your freedom to anyone. You have to make sure that person is worthy to hold you not just in captivity but just hold you in general. There is something about a man holding you in just the right way, so tight you feel like he'll never let you go and whatever pain or unhappiness you had just melts away....Damn, you know that feeling? That is probably one of the best feelings in the world. I get chills just thinking about it.

There are other songs like Britney Spears "Slave for You" that touch on this captivity as well. But not like this. I don't know. That's a huge statement. The fact that you would quickly give away something as precious as freedom. You have gotta be someone special if you warrant that.

I love this song because it doesn't hide from the reality of love: all of the joy and the pain. It's got both and if you can weather the pain then well, that's special. Love is so important, so powerful that even despite the past pain and hurt that love has caused I can still say that love is something I want in my life. How empty would life be without it? I can't imagine life without love, whether it's from my parents or friends or someday from that very special someone.

Love can be so consuming. It can truly feel like 'a whole new world' (not to quote Aladdin or anything). It's so beautiful. It can change you. It can heal you. It can make you into someone you never thought you could be.

I love the line: they say watch what you ask for cause you might receive. But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing. Yeah, I'm definitely in that place. I want love, plain and simple. The good and bad. So why is that so hard to find? I don't really know, maybe I just haven't given enough 'to prove that I am ready for love.' How do you prove that you're ready for love? I don't have a clue but if anyone has an idea, please let me know because again, I say I want love in my life, true deep, painful love. What is enough to prove I am ready for love?

I feel like in writing I mostly come up with more questions than answers but regardless perhaps knowing the questions is just as important as knowing the answers. I guess time will tell.

My Angel Love Doctor

"God send me an angel from the heavens above. Send me angel to heal my broken heart from being in love..... Send me angel to wipe the tears from my eyes.... I had to tell the one that my heart adored that he can't have my love no more..... When all I wanted to do was feel your touch and to give you all of my love but you took my love for granted. Want my lovin now well now you can't have it. O God send me an angel" - "Angel" by Amanda Perez

That's surely my request. But when? When does help for the heartache come? This song makes me think of the Preacher's Wife with Whitney Houston and Denzel fineass Washington. He was her angel sent from heaven. O God please make my angel look like him! But seriously, what can this song possibly tell me and the rest of the readers of the this blog about love? It tells me that love on earth can fall apart. When it falls apart it leaves you hurt, confused, and wondering where the hell do I go from here. Who can I turn to if the one that my heart adored doesn't want my love, our love, any more? I like this songwriter's idea. God. She asks God for an angel. Now I want to make sure God sends me sometime I can hold on to so if it was me I would have just flat out asked God for a new man. But I'm sure that's not the main idea here. The main idea for me is that when love went wrong she asked God. It doesn't matter what she asked him. It just matters that she went to him. Not a club, not a chatline, not her ex-boyfriend. She turned to God. I'm sure she felt that the help that He would provide for her broken heart would be sufficient to heal her love wounds. Maybe not immediately but surely in time God would hear her prayers and send relief to take the pain away. Really. Who better to heal your heart from love than the One who formed your heart with His love? Knowing who will help is the easy answer, but time. How long will He take? Now that is the tough part. I guess I'll know when my angel love doctor finally arrives.

Some Stevie

I love love love Stevie Wonder. There have been times in my life when all I would listen to is Stevie. He is amazing and he has so much to say about love.

One particular song that I am fond of is "As." There's a line in that song that always gives me pause:

Did you know that true love asks for nothing?

Wait, nothing? Nothing at all? I can't really wrap my brain around the concept that love, true love asks for nothing. So nothing in return, no favours. It's just...love, love for the sake of love.

I gotta say I'm not sure if I buy that. But that could be because I don't think I know what true love is, nor do I think that I've experienced it. I know I've experienced love, some form of love. But true love? I'm not even sure if there is a difference between true love and just plain old love.

But maybe I'm missing this completely. Maybe I shouldn't take this line so seriously. Obviously if it asked: did you know that true love asks for a little? That is not nearly as powerful as asking for nothing. Maybe true love only asks for a little, like all I really want is your time, your presence, you to listen and share your life with me. That doesn't seem like much, right? And yet if true love doesn't asks for much or even nothing at all, why is it that so many people get it wrong? (myself included)

I don't think I can even point to a real life (as opposed to fake life) couple who I look at and say: wow, I want to be like them some day. Honestly, there isn't. I can look on TV and find it easily, but alas, TV does not reflect reality. I have mentioned before that I'm a fan of Scrubs. My favourite couple on that show is Carla and Turk. They go through their share of tough times (at least as much as they can and still be a TV couple) and they make it. I love that. Yet it never seems that simple.

Life is hard and love seems even harder. But that doesn't stop me from trying. My experiences with love have been good and bad but I'm still hoping I'll find "that very special someone to share all [my] dreams with" (courtesy of Indie Arie "Can you be a part of my life?) That person might be hard to find but I think he's worth it and he'll think I'm worth it too :)

Doctor Love

Dr. Love sounds like a cliché term for some really cheesy guy who tries too hard. But after dating my best friend for nearly a year and a half, I’ve found that Love really is a physician and a psychiatrist. India.Arie says it so well in “Therapy” and “He Heals Me.”

What is love? I honestly can’t think of any description better than India’s. In “Therapy,” she describes a man who cares for the woman he loves:

He lays me on the couch and says how has your day been?

Tell me your problems; I'll help you solve them.

Come on, let's talk about it. He sits next to me and smiles.

Listens to all of my words, relaxes all of my nerves.

On most days, my boyfriend would rather listen to Gang Starr than India.Arie, but I love this song because for me, these lyrics are talking about him. I have a habit of stressing out and letting small things overwhelm me. One Saturday night, I was feeling stressed after spending the entire day working on assignments and studying for an exam. I had gotten to the point where I was frustrated and depressed and tired, but I felt like I had too much work to take a break even though I desperately needed one. I was typing a paper at my boyfriend’s desk while he sat on his bed reading, and he called my name. When I turned around, he laid down his book and held out his arms for me. I went over to him, and he took me in his arms. In that moment, I felt more love for him than I had ever experienced before; it was beautiful. Without saying a word, he just held me, and it seemed like his arms were squeezing the stress out of me and replacing it with an amazing peace. He held me silently for a few minutes before I had to get back to work, but I felt completely revitalized when he let go of me. That is love.

When I feel like I'm losing power...

The way you touch me says I'm there for you.

It heals me just to hear you say, "I love you."

He's done this so many times, and I don't think he even knows how much he has helped me. This is how a man should love: he shouldn't be a source of drama like so many women experience. A real man who really loves should be a force that brings calm to a stormy day.

...."He Heals Me” is a similar song. Its words resonate within me in the same way.

I told him my biggest secret. And he told me four.
He smiled at me and said, 'That makes me love you more.'
And even when I'm wrong, he is still kind.
He chooses his words wisely when he tells me I'm not right.
And yes, he is a beautiful man.

But he is also a beautiful friend.

This man knows my faults better than anyone else in the world, even my best friends. And yet he still wants to be with me; he still loves me. It fascinates me. I think the greatest thing I have learned about love is that it is unconditional. Both of us are so young, and I don’t know what’s in store for us in the future. I do know that regardless of where we end up, I will always love him because he has taught me so much about what a man should be, and what love should be.

...He has so much compassion in his eyes.
I have no idea how long he'll be here: a season or a lifetime, forever or a year.

But for the first time in my life I'm not worried about the future

Because we have such a wonderful time when we're together.

However things turn out, it's all right cause he's already changed my life.

These Love Songs That Don't Love Me

“And I'm so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so done with wishing you were still here.
Said I’m so sick of love songs
so sad and slow
…… So why can’t I turn off the radio?”
-Ne-Yo

How about these love songs? In “So Sick” Ne-Yo is suffering from the spoils of love. He is suffering hard too. “Don’t make me think about her smile or having her first child.” His heart is evidently still with his ex. I can’t speculate on the nature of their relationship, or what caused her to stop loving him, but I have come to the conclusion that that is not important. Regardless of if the love was perfect or misguided, Ne-Yo still feels the shitty spoils of love. It’s really fucked up when you think about it. She is gone. Moseying on with her happy life, moving forward on the next best to train, and he is stuck. Stuck in this cloudy, hellish nightmare. Can’t move backward because she’s gone. Can’t move forward because he can’t stop thinking about all of it over and over again. It sucks. The worst part is that he simply cannot afford to spend one more day stuck in the limbo warp zone because it is slowly eating away at his ability to be happy, his ability to focus, his peace of mind, and perhaps even his sanity. I’m sure Ne-Yo did not know it, but he may as well have been sitting on a time bomb. Every additional day in this state grinds a person down. Further and further down. Everyday closer and closer to the bottom of the pit.
So at this point people who have never been there start making suggestions. I bet this is what happened to Ne-Yo. One of his boys told him, “Dude turn off the fuckn radio, quit listening to these sad ass love songs and pick yourself up.” And Ne-Yo was like I am tired of being stuck. I want to stop thinking about her but I can’t. Even if I turned off the radio in my room, a constant song is playing in my head day and night. “Why can’t I stop turn off the radio?” So, why? Why can’t he turn off the radio?
Reader, at this point I can take this post so many different directions, but since this blog is about love and not about mental health awareness I chose this direction. Jasmine Sullivan asks the question best. Why do we love love when love seems to hate us? After experiencing heartbreak and unreturned devotion and commitment, most of the population does not totally cast interest in pursuing another love relationship aside for all eternity. If people did that after every heartbreak I think humans would be pretty much extinct by now. But that doesn’t happen. Perhaps it’s all biological and people’s instinct to reproduce compels us not to give up on love. Maybe it’s spiritual. After the fall of man and all women were cursed to various degrees, God said be fruitful and multiply. Being fruitful involves so much more than having sex and popping babies. Being fruitful involves bearing the fruits of love. So what can the ladies of FAB Dub conclude about love from this perspective on “So Sick”? Don’t give up on love because of heartbreak. Ne-Yo still has not given up. It’s just not natural to quit loving. Keep the love for love alive. Don’t let your previous experience with love minimize the horizon of possibilities in your future for a love that is deeper, stronger, and possibly knock your socks off. As my favorite author said in Their Eyes Were Watching God “Love is a moving thing and it’s different on every shore.” Like Ne-Yo, don’t turn off the radio. Instead, dedicate each love song that plays to the love of love.

Ne-Yo's Make It Work

I've been told I'm a pessimistic and I guess that's true because I cannot help but look at this song and see the negative. Ne-Yo talks about making it work specifically "we gotta make it work." I cannot help but focus on one word: we. We gotta make it work. It takes two to make a relationship work. It is impossible to do it alone. One of the worse feeling in the world is to feel like you're the only trying to make it work and that your partner isn't. But this is also where it gets confusing because what if your partner is trying but not in the way you want? Then it seems like you are fighting alone even if you aren't. That's such a tough situation to be in (been there, done that).

Ne-Yo also talks about the reality of relationships that isn't pretty. There seems to be no happily-ever after. There will be moments where I am completely in love and there will be moments where I absolutely hate him. That's reality. There's a quote from Scrubs (best show ever) where Carla says that "Every relationship is messed up. What makes it perfect is if you still want to be there when things really suck." I think that is so true. Love takes time and once you're in love, you should do everything in your power to keep it. If you can go through the bad times and still want to be there then your relationship is good. I personally wouldn't say perfect (I am a pessimist after all) but regardless that's a good relationship.

A good relationship takes time and patience. The beginning is always wonderful or at least, that's been my experience. You're finding out about the person, learning all his ins and outs and for me, as a person who loves learning, I love that part. I love understanding what makes someone happy, his hopes, his dreams (then of course, I can find out if I can see myself in those hopes and dreams). I understand relationships take time. It's the patience thing, I struggle with. I'm impatient. I know I have come a very long way in that regard but it's still something I need to work on. There's also an important distinction that I have yet to get. How much patience is enough and how much is too much? Because you can always over do things, you can be too patient and that can be a waste of time, but without patience, you could be rushing into something you have no business doing. I'm aware there needs to be a balance. I'm just not sure what it is. But I am all about figuring it out so I guess that's just something I will hopefully figure out with time.