So Beautiful

Zora is right! It has been way too long since we've posted anything on this blog so I shall provide this week's blog and hopefully we can get this thing up and running!

I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed but EVERYONE is getting married or at least that's what it seems like. As a recent graduate of Belmont :) I have noticed the countless photos of weddings on Facebook, which begs the question when I am going to get married? This question actually cracks me up because I am not the girl who has been planning her wedding since she was 6 or 7 or whatever age. I haven't and I have no plans of starting that now.

But in truth, I am a little jealous. :/ Of what you may ask? Of the fact that these girls are done dating. They are not worried about the: when is he going to call? does he really love me? And all those other questions I constantly ask myself and I can't be alone in this right ladies? I cannot be the only one who sometimes feels insecure even in the best of relationships.

I think the questions come even more when you are dating versus when you're not and for me it's been difficult to keep those questions from harassing me. Sure I'm dating a great guy but am I even ready for marriage? I can say honestly that there has been more than one occasion when I have thought that I would never get married but then again I may have just not been with the right guy.

...which brings us to this week's song "So Beautiful" by Musiq Soulchild. This song talks about being in love with a girl but it's not this temporary love, he wants to give all his love to this girl for the rest of her life and that's what I'm talking about. Committed love and I guess that's the main source of my envy. Married women have committed love for the whole world to see and celebrate. That's on a whole different level than boyfriend girlfriend.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I love being with Chris and can picture being with him for the rest of my life but the questions still nag me and our relationship has not been easy. Worth it? Yes but sometimes you still wonder. Luckily, we still have time to decide which I guess detracts from the previously explained envy. I can walk away but when you're married, you're with that person for the rest of your life (or you should be).

Right now I'm enjoying figuring out if Chris is the right one for me. I hope he is but I also don't want to rush into the most important decision of my life. We have actually taken it slow which is amazing if you know my track record :/ (not the best)

Taking it slow in a relationship means taking the time to get to know each other and figuring out if you want to go further before feelings get hurt and marriage is much more than the one day in which you celebrate it: the wedding. I am learning more and more that marriage takes work and it's more than "we love each other" at some point you're going to wake up and think that you made a mistake or just not partically like the person you are next to. But what I've also learned is that love is a choice and in marriage you have to make that decision EVERY single day for the rest of your life so I'm definitely not rushing into that kind of decision but it is fun to think about :)