The Unthinkable

“If we do the unthinkable would it make us look crazy…. You give me a feeling that I never felt before and I deserve it, I know I deserve it.”

I was recently involved in a rendezvous with a young man that was the unthinkable. The two of us becoming a couple could have made us look crazy, particularly me. But I think the people who knew us best may have said it was so beautiful. I don’t know. It never went anywhere, and perhaps this was because I could notand even now still am not able to honestly say the next words in the song. “If you ask me I’m ready”. I got the “You give me a feeling that I never felt before, and the “I think I deserve it, I know I deserve it”. After one point, it was pretty hard (but not impossible) to ignore, but I still could not say I was ready. But then again are we ever really ready for the intensity, twists, turns, and obligations of love? Readiness is particularly a struggle for those of us who have been hurt in the past. I guess the damage to heart effects its readiness to be vulnerable to more potential damage. I guess that’s a good thing. A sort of protection. I have to believe that when enough healing is complete my heart and mind will be ready to start something new with a Mr. Unthinkable. I like the last verses of the song. “I can't say I came prepared. I’m suspended in the air. Won’t you come be in the sky with me?” I just love the concept of just being in each other's presence together. We don’t have to fly or even drift. Let’s just be here with each other during this moment. That is definitely what unthinkable and I had. We just enjoyed each other during the time that we had together. No pressuring conversations about commitment and expectations. We just enjoyed each other’s company. There was nothing dirty or lustful about it. Our intentions were honorable and pure. We just liked being with each other, but now Mr. Unthinkable has left the city…. I must say I miss the feeling that I had when I was with him. Thinking about it makes the unthinkable sound more and more like nice idea.