What Is Love?

I have completely avoided any spirituality up until now, but it's been a while since I posted, and it seems I'm not going to have anything new to say except as it relates to my relationship with Christ. I love those times when he just completely shuts you up to anything except for himself. Or actually, I hate those times, but I can't deny that they're incredibly good for me. Like fresh spring water, right Zora?

I recently heard a new song entitled (get this) "What Is Love?" That just screams Love through song, right? So ask me why it's taken me this long to mention it. Go ahead, ask me... Well, I'm glad you asked. It's because I am the quintessential prodigal child. Yep, I'd much rather run like hell than return to my Father with my head hung in shame even though he welcomes me with arms wide open. Which brings me to the real point...love.

What is love? Our God has heard our groaning.

And has remembered, in steadfast love, the covenant.

Christians have such a great tendency to skip all the way to Jesus. And yes, Jesus is the main point of the story. But you can look from the very beginning and see the love of God displayed so beautifully. This God, my Lord, looked down from heaven and chose a people, and he was faithful to his people through all their mess. If you read the Old Testament, you'll see. Israel is the blessed nation chosen by God, but they spit in his face over and over again. They served other gods and did not put their trust in their true Savior. Yet every time God's people humbled themselves and turned back to him, every time they started to complain and cry about the harsh bondage they had led their own selves into, God heard them and he remembered the free covenant he had made with them. And just so no one gets confused, you'll see later in this blog that I admit, I am just like Israel, and God is yet faithful to me. And I'm sure there are others who have the same testimony. Absolutely amazing.

What is love? We are considered blameless

Even though, for his death, we are to blame.

What is love? The King has purchased our freedom

From ourselves, the world, and the enemy.

Well, there you go. See, I told you I'd get to the New Testament, the Jesus part. You've all heard it, and I know that no amount of words could truly express the depth of love displayed in Christ's act of sacrificial love. But I honestly don't have much to say to expound upon the main idea. What's more important for me to say right now is expressed in the final verse of this song:

What is love? Our God breaks the cycles

That we find ourselves in constantly.

What is love? Our God pursues his people

Even when they turn back to their Egypts.

What is love? To die to self and selfish gain

And to trust the love that God has for us.

I heard this, and I thought Oh My God. Oh MY God. You ARE this God. Yes, you were faithful to the Israelites. Yes, you died for our sins so that we wouldn't have to pay that price. But wow, God. After all of that, you are still presently working in my life tonight, in this very moment. This moment when I feel my mind running over the same thoughts and my heart running over the same hurts, you are here, and you break that horrible cycle. That moment when I feel like I need to hide from you because I can't even remember how to pray, YOU seek after ME. What manner of love is that?! And all that you ask, the bare minimal amount of love that you desire in return for everything that you have done for me, is that I give up on these selfish things that don't fulfill me anyway. That I learn to be held by you, and trust YOUR love, the only love that will absolutely NEVER fail me. Oh my God.

I am ready for love

"I'd quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity"

I love this line. It amazes me. You would give away your freedom to be help captive by another person. Wow. That takes a lot of trust. You can't just give away your freedom to anyone. You have to make sure that person is worthy to hold you not just in captivity but just hold you in general. There is something about a man holding you in just the right way, so tight you feel like he'll never let you go and whatever pain or unhappiness you had just melts away....Damn, you know that feeling? That is probably one of the best feelings in the world. I get chills just thinking about it.

There are other songs like Britney Spears "Slave for You" that touch on this captivity as well. But not like this. I don't know. That's a huge statement. The fact that you would quickly give away something as precious as freedom. You have gotta be someone special if you warrant that.

I love this song because it doesn't hide from the reality of love: all of the joy and the pain. It's got both and if you can weather the pain then well, that's special. Love is so important, so powerful that even despite the past pain and hurt that love has caused I can still say that love is something I want in my life. How empty would life be without it? I can't imagine life without love, whether it's from my parents or friends or someday from that very special someone.

Love can be so consuming. It can truly feel like 'a whole new world' (not to quote Aladdin or anything). It's so beautiful. It can change you. It can heal you. It can make you into someone you never thought you could be.

I love the line: they say watch what you ask for cause you might receive. But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing. Yeah, I'm definitely in that place. I want love, plain and simple. The good and bad. So why is that so hard to find? I don't really know, maybe I just haven't given enough 'to prove that I am ready for love.' How do you prove that you're ready for love? I don't have a clue but if anyone has an idea, please let me know because again, I say I want love in my life, true deep, painful love. What is enough to prove I am ready for love?

I feel like in writing I mostly come up with more questions than answers but regardless perhaps knowing the questions is just as important as knowing the answers. I guess time will tell.

My Angel Love Doctor

"God send me an angel from the heavens above. Send me angel to heal my broken heart from being in love..... Send me angel to wipe the tears from my eyes.... I had to tell the one that my heart adored that he can't have my love no more..... When all I wanted to do was feel your touch and to give you all of my love but you took my love for granted. Want my lovin now well now you can't have it. O God send me an angel" - "Angel" by Amanda Perez

That's surely my request. But when? When does help for the heartache come? This song makes me think of the Preacher's Wife with Whitney Houston and Denzel fineass Washington. He was her angel sent from heaven. O God please make my angel look like him! But seriously, what can this song possibly tell me and the rest of the readers of the this blog about love? It tells me that love on earth can fall apart. When it falls apart it leaves you hurt, confused, and wondering where the hell do I go from here. Who can I turn to if the one that my heart adored doesn't want my love, our love, any more? I like this songwriter's idea. God. She asks God for an angel. Now I want to make sure God sends me sometime I can hold on to so if it was me I would have just flat out asked God for a new man. But I'm sure that's not the main idea here. The main idea for me is that when love went wrong she asked God. It doesn't matter what she asked him. It just matters that she went to him. Not a club, not a chatline, not her ex-boyfriend. She turned to God. I'm sure she felt that the help that He would provide for her broken heart would be sufficient to heal her love wounds. Maybe not immediately but surely in time God would hear her prayers and send relief to take the pain away. Really. Who better to heal your heart from love than the One who formed your heart with His love? Knowing who will help is the easy answer, but time. How long will He take? Now that is the tough part. I guess I'll know when my angel love doctor finally arrives.